Headless Horseman (2007)

Headless Horseman is a film. It is about teenagers going to a party, but they get sidetracked, due to a bear trap. This "traps" them in the local town of Wormwood, Romania. There they are greeted by unfriendly Slavs with a taste for blood. You see, every seven years at "All Hallow's Eve," a headless horse "man" comes out of his cellar to attack young tourists. This has been happening for as long as there have been cell phones in Romania.

This time, the tourists are ready to strike back.... or be stricken? You find out. When you watch the film.

The film stars an unlikely cast of white college students. They are very familiar with the work of Washington Irving, who is apparently a huge poser. This is an important lesson in the film. Don't believe everything you read!

Another topic this film addresses is the tyranny of librarians. I have had many bad experiences with librarians in the past, so I could relate to Headless Horseman. Here they are portrayed as who they truly are: vicious inbreeds who don't like to share! Books, that is. Especially books that explain how to defeat the headless horseman, at least not without a library card (what fascists!).

Anyways, escaping the town is really hard, as there is one path littered with several bear traps. Escaping proves especially difficult when the young cast encounters a friendly sheriff, who subsequently kills himself by shooting his own gas tank. The locals prove to be a threatening bunch as well. Early in the film, the students are assaulted by greedy street urchins. Later they are "chased" by slow-moving Slavs. Finally, Walt Whitman shoots a Romanian police officer. He really buries him in the "leaves of grass," one could say.

A few of these kids lose their heads... literally! They also figuratively lose their heads, due to their traumatic experiences in Romania. It is a terrible country.

As an aside, I have many Romanian friends. They have taught me their pick-pocketing ways. But for their country -- I have no sympathy.


Usually I don't notice dialogue in my movies, but in this film -- it was "five stars." There were many oral sex jokes, which satisfied me. People lost their heads in several scenes, often with gory results. My favorite scene was when a Romanian shopkeeper was tortured by a hammer.

The soundtrack was a great mix of Hank Williams b-sides and Neil Young experimental guitar work. They really captured the spirit of Romania. A nice southern belle is in the film. She ends up being an unlikely ally, despite the fact that she is potentially an inbred freak. And you just can't trust those inbreeds!

A warning to readers: this film is scary. Don't watch it with a lady, unless you want her grabbing your arm by the end of the night! There were literally times when I was on the end of my couch, watching the screen. I don't see movies like this often!

So in conclusion: if you don't watch this film, you are a headless moron. This movie rules, so "head" to the movie store and "head" home with this film! It will blow your "head" off. Please, just do it now. For your "head's" sake. "Five Stars!"