Half Past Dead 2 (2007)

Half Past Dead 2 (2007) is the sequel to Half Past Dead 1, a "five star" action film starring Steven Seagal. This time around, we have famous wrestler Goldberg and unfamous rapper Kurupt breaking out of prison. This movie is just as good as the first film. Also, if you enjoyed the first film, you will find yourself satisfied with the flashbacks. They remind us that the first film happened, and it was "five stars."

The movie starts with Kurupt. He is still in Alcatraz, the prison from the first film. It is inescapable, and run by a jerk with a neck tattoo. Kurupt's best friend is a dweeb sent to prison for hacking, but they get in fights often. Such is life with friends.

Anyways, for these reasons and more, Kurupt must leave to a bigger prison in Missouri. Here he meets Bill Goldberg, who plays Bill "Berg" Burke in the film. He is a monstrosity in every sense of the word. I was taken aback by how large this man is. I did not know men got so large.

To re-emphasize this point, Bill Goldberg is a small beast. He is more animal than man; he is a manimal. He is also the only Jewish man in prison, evidenced by the fact that every ethnic group has a clique except the Rabbinical Torah-readers. This is why he eats alone (and kosher!) in the cafeteria.Somehow, Kurupt and Goldberg become unlikely friends. This proves that skinny black rappers and gigantic Jewish hulks can get along.

They join forces in fighting against a Mexican gangbanger and a Ben Kingsley-look alike. Expect no Gandhi in this movie, however. This film is all about action, action, action. Lights, camera, action!
The prison fight scenes were top-notch. I enjoyed the way Goldberg pummeled his way through scores of Mexicans. They fell down like dreidels at a child's Hanukkah celebration, attended by Goldberg.

We are reminded in the film that Goldberg is innocent, and he cares about his tiny daughter, which he saves in the last scene of the film. We also know that Kurupt is looking for treasure, and finds it in the scene after the last scene.

The story works itself out when Goldberg gets $80 million dollars, a Jew's fantasy. Kurupt lives out the rest of his days as Snoop Dogg, a much better rapper. His bickering girlfriend is also happy, therefore I'm happy.

Rarely do I see a film that satisfies me as much as this movie. Everything came together so perfectly. I'm happy Cortez got what he deserves, which is the head-sized fist of a monstrous Jew. Oi vey, what a fist!

This film has one less star than the points of the Star of David - "Five," much like the star of Satan. However, there is nothing devilish about enjoying this film. Please, by all means, watch!