Lone Hero (2002) is a movie about stepping up to the plate, and hitting some balls. Sean "Patrick" Flannery is a cowardly method actor at the start of the film, but ends up being an ass-kicker by the end. Whose ass does he kick? None other than accomplished Native American actor Lou "Diamond" Phillips.
Lou is a vicious biker. Like all bikers, he is in a gang. He is set on terrorizing small towns for tens of dollars, which is his job -- let's just say, he is adequately qualified.
First off, let's set the scene. It's in Montana, a Third World country. There are apparently no cell phones, and two incompetent morons run the city jail. The small town makes money through Old West reenactments, a flourishing industry when no other industries exist. Also there are jobless hicks who live in trailers and occasionally people play pool. Welcome to the Wild, Wild West.
The town gets taken over by multicultural bikers who want to save Lou Diamond Phillips from dying of boredom. Unfortunately, they are generally incompetent and have terrible aim. They are also out of shape and diabetic. They may also be anemic, who knows. Except for Lou, who is the pinnacle of manhood.
Somehow, Sean "Patrick" Flannery outwits scores of bikers by standing behind them, where they can't see him. This leads to numerous biker deaths. It is a biker massacre. "Five Stars."
You may recognize the biker second-in-command from the film Digimon, where he plays a snowboarder. He gets killed fairly easily, because he crashed into a barrel (watch out!). There is also a "five star" scene where he rides a train meant for toddlers. This really developed his character as an inept moron with a dumb sense of humor.
Sean's not alone. He's got a fellow jobless hick with bad hair and two bros by his side. One is forgettable, another is a juggalo (presumably). He used a shotgun and shot a biker. Also he fell off a railing, but was saved by hay. We can all learn a lesson here about hay.
The end fighting scene was also great. It was an Old West-style shootout between Sean and Lou since all the other bikers were killed or left immobile. I like the soundtrack choices, which sounded like Yo La Tengo mixed with DJ Tiesto. And who doesn't like those artists? At least together.
The bottom line is: Lone Hero is an enjoyable film. It has all of the elements of a movie, and then some. If you like the Old West, or want to learn more about the inner-workings of biker gangs, this film is for you. This film is a "Diamond" in the rough of Old West-themed biker movies. "Pat" yourself on the back if you rent this movie, and then watch it. "Five Stars!"
Thank you for this review. I will not see this movie ever because I reject the possibility that anyone can be a hero on their own. People need to rely on each other, you know? In any case, I still appreciated this review for its educational value. Five stars!
ReplyDeleteDead pence2cents,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your feedback, but here is where you are wrong. People don't need to rely on anyone, much like I don't rely on my parents anymore. The idea that people "need" anything is straight of Mao's Little Red Book.
If you actually SAW the film, you know that Sean "Patrick" Flannery was great on his own, and he didn't "need" "help" to defeat Lou "Diamond" Phillips. That was the point of the movie! No one else would do it, but him.
The movie wasn't called "Communist Hero," so maybe you should stop being so aggressive on my blog. I do this as a public service, to inform people about the best movies I see in my house. I don't need to be heckled by internet strangers, thank you. If you wanna heckle, go to a heckle blog.
But thank you for reading. Maybe next time I'll review Animal Farm starring George Orwell, so you could see a movie about "needs."
Sincerely,
Eli
Maybe I should start a heckle blog... and make sure you can't read it because clearly you can't read. George Orwell "wrote" Animal Farm... obviously.
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