Twilight: New Moon (2009)

Twilight: New Moon (2009) is the sequel to the successful film Twilight: First Moon (2008). Both films are based off a book.

It pins vampires against werewolves, mortal enemies, except both are immortal. The vampire from the last movie is back. He is as beautiful as ever, and spends much of the movie crying or getting done crying. He also sparkles in the sunlight, as one would expect.

This time there is also other eye candy, in the form of a giant wolf. This wolf transmorphs into a buff Native American. He was so large, I could not believe his size. We are talking about his gigantic muscles. I was understandably impressed with his body. The young girl of the film, Bella, is also impressed, since she takes him to a film called Face Punch, which sadly does not exist. Movie studios, pay attention. This film must be made!

Anyways, Bella must choose between the vampire or the werewolf, a choice we can all relate to. She cares about her crying beau, enough to drive to Italy to save him from showing himself to a vampire hate group. They are the Ku Klux Klan of the vampire world. One could call them the Vu Vlux Vlan.

She doesn't choose her other suitor, because he hangs with shirtless bros (gay!) and is prone to domestic violence, like all Indians.


As an aside, I have no Native American friends. I have never met a single one.

Edward the vampire is then judged by three eccentric vamps. One of them looked really bored. He obviously wasn't watching Twlight: New Moon.

In the meantime, some "female" was hunting Bella and trying to capture her, for some reason. This proved particularly difficult because Bella could escape by nearly drowning. Clever girl!

Edward dissapears for a short time during the film, to do soul-searching. He still stays with her, however, in the form of nagging visions that tell her to stay home. It's my mom in vamp form, but with more make-up. Robert Smith would have been proud of this man, so much make-up.

Long story short, this film sucked... blood! It was great, much like the first film, but with the added feature of werewolves. It also contained my favorite touching indie rock songs, which made it easy for me to know when to feel sad. This was very often.

I love this movie. If you have a girlfriend, take her to see it. She will take you to see Face Punch in return, when it hits theaters, in 2012. "Five Stars."