Satan's Little Helper (2004)

Satan's Little Helper is a Halloween-themed family movie. It stars a young Ben Stein and Honeybunny from Pulp Fiction, a similar film. The young boy, Dougie, starts off the film playing a popular video game where you throw trash lids at old ladies. He ends up being an accessory to murder. This film has a developed story arc.


The villain in this movie is a masked murderer. He wears a mask, and a dress, and kills literally several people. He goes by the name of Satan, but it is unclear whether he truly is the prince of Darkness, or just your everyday psychopath. Nevertheless, his mask was quite frightening. His wavy hair and goat horns terrified me. His smile was quite devilish.


Dougie, who is possibly retarded, becomes his helper -- his "little helper" if you will. The young boy needs a role model, and who better than the Angel of the Bottomless Pit? Better than my dad, at least.

Together they go on adventures, often with gory results. In one scene a cat is brutally beaten, showing Satan's strength and ferocity. Satan is so evil he even leaves a grocery store without paying. Wow, so evil. I was steaming at this scene, like a vegetable. I wanted to teach Satan a lesson about responsibility.


Dougie's equally challenged sister believes Satan is really her boyfriend Alex in disguise. This leads to a sexy encounter, witnessed by the rest of her dysfunctional family. Joke's on her! This man is not Alex, but Lucifer, Ruler of Demons.


The masked murderer's killing spree sparks rioting in the streets, naturally. Many stores are looted and vacuums are taken -- anarchy ensues. The three cops in the town are killed, leaving the entire city of White Plains, New York unprotected from desperate whites on the lookout for bargains.

Meanwhile, Satan and Dougie bond. Satan enjoys playing with toys and getting to know Dougie, and disemboweling his father. You gotta take the good with the bad. Then Satan takes Dougie's mom out to a date! To a big castle, where he proceeds to suffocate her and spike the punch with delicious Drano. What a gentleman. He certainly is the Father of Lies, the Serpent of Old.

Satan is a devilish genius! A degenius, if you will. He "tricks" the family three times by dressing corpses up in his gown, and "treats" the audience to viewing this scene. This same stupid family shot at convenient dummies twice, and fell for another disguise. However, I likely would do the same in their situation, because tense situations mean irrational actions. Plus, you never know what you get when you're dealing with Satan, the Roaring Lion.

I'm not going to "disguise" my love for this film. It is real. Hypothetically, let's the say the Mark of the Beast was five. This is how I would reference the amount of stars this film gets: five. "Five Stars!"